It is almost a universal fact nowadays that a lot of parents and their kids are having "communication problems", meaning that they don't or intentionally won't meet eye to eye on some subjects. That's pretty normal but it doesn't mean that the situation can't be improved.
What are the things parents and kids commonly disagree on? For younger kids, it is usually the lack of discipline. Children aged 5 and up are usually found tied to the TV, the computer or their gaming consoles. Rooms are left messy, they refuse to eat their meals and refuse to sleep early. Good news though, all of these can easily be solved!
How about teens? Now there's a truly PROBLEMATIC stage! Not only is there a lack of discipline but seemingly a lack of purpose as well. During the teenage years, the body and the mind is in turmoil, all sorts of adjustment and growth is happening and there is a tremendous amount of energy available. Think of a fireman's hose spitting out torrents but with no one to hold it down.
Raising a kid is pretty much like tending a bonsai tree. A lot of things are obviously parallel. First, it takes time, a WHOLE LOT of time. It will surely take years, decades even. Secondly, It is hard, tedious work. Like the branches of a plant, you will have to train it consistently, applying the wires of tough love every step of the way. Neglect it for just a while and it may grow in an unwanted fashion. Force it back after it has grown and the branch will just break. Finally, to achieve the desired result, you will have to start as early as possible.
Now bending your child into shape sounds like military school! Not necessarily. There is a way to instill discipline and purpose into your child, a way that is not only fun and rewarding but will also bring you closer together as well.
Get him into sports!
Now how does this work?
Sports is undoubtedly fun, I would like to think that it was created mainly for the fun factor. One of it's main, if not primary objectives would also be to exercise the body and mind. The objective in most popular sports would be to win, which gives it it's "thrill". To win of course, you will have to better than your opponent. This will involve practicing and honing skills which are previously unnatural, which in turn will require patience, perseverance and dedication.
Does this sound like what the doctor ordered? Sports has proven to be beneficial to most people and I would recommend that it be something that you and your kid partake of together. However if you do not have the time, it is quite alright that your child go at it by himself. Just make sure that you will always be there to support him otherwise he might lose interest in the endeavor.
There's a lot to be gained by participating in sports. Improvement in health and overall physical well-being is always a given. As mentioned earlier, the participant will learn discipline, perseverance etc. Aside from achieving a sense of purpose and accomplishment, there are also surprisingly good bonuses. Lots of scholastic and career opportunities await those who are physically gifted and talented (perhaps to a lesser extent, those who are ardently persistent). Lots of universities offer "sports scholarships" to those who are exceptional in their chosen sport, obviously so because sports like football, basketball, soccer (futbol) is big business both for the school and the athlete. We need not mention how much Shaq made playing in college alone, aside from all the endorsements and whatnot.
Now certainly not all kids can be like Mike but I know you do get the picture of the potential harvest in sports. Disadvantages are clearly outweighed, but we'll talk about that later.
Now what are some sports that you may want to get your child into? Here are some popular suggestions as well as some "pros" and "cons" that you will have to take into consideration.
SWIMMING
Pros: Swimming can very well be considered the "ultimate workout". The 4 strokes or styles of swimming, namely Freestyle, Backstroke, Breaststroke and Butterfly utilizes all the parts of the body simultaneously. Water gives ample resistance to provide a low impact workout, meaning that it does not strain the joints or the muscles too much while providing great cardio training. Swimming is also an invaluable skill to learn, the difference between knowing and not knowing how can very well save one's life. Pretty cheap sport, all one will need would be a pair of good goggles, a bathing suit or trunks and a flotation device (if required by the instructor) and access to a pool, Olympic size preferably. Highly recommended to kids with asthma or bronchial conditions.
Cons: Fun factor medium at best, since there is no "game" element to the sport. There is a risk of contracting some ear and skin infections (swimmer's ear) when swimming in a public pool. There is also risk of drowning, although very very minimal.
Sports of similar vein: Cycling, Running (sprint, marathon), Rock climbing.
BASKETBALL
Pros: Very popular sport, has a high fun factor. It is a team sport which can help your child make friends and learn how to be a team player. Has a cerebral factor to it and will train the player to strategize under pressure. Lots of sports scholarship and career opportunities for those who wish to pursue it professionally.
Cons: Height is a huge determining factor, although a lot of small players throughout history have found their way and prospered in the NBA. There is medium risk of injury as it is a rough sport. The training and the sport itself focuses mainly on the development of the arms and calves, there is considerably high impact on the ankle and foot joints. It being a team sport is a double edged sword. If he happens to be physically inferior, there is a possibility that he will lose interest in the sport as he may not be able to get picked into games.
Alternatives you may wish to explore: Baseball, Pro football, Futbol (soccer), Ice Hockey.
LAWN TENNIS
Pros: Pretty enjoyable sport, usually learned first individually. Pro tennis is enjoying a resurfacing popularity worldwide and is one of the most lucrative sports today, it is another sport which can be a great professional career option. Can be played indoor or outdoor. Provides very good training for stamina.
Cons: An expensive sport. A decent, entry level tennis racquet costs around $60 up, owning a backup racquet is advisable. Balls around $10 which have to be replaced almost every other 3 games. Bags, playing uniform shoes are a must. Probably the one you will have to shell out the most for would be the tennis court, which is usually situated in a country club. Instructor fees, court rental fees, accessories (strings, grips etc) might make you reconsider. However if you are the type who has a membership to a country club, most probably money would not be a problem.
Like flying solo? Check out: Badminton, Table Tennis, Squash.
MARTIAL ARTS
Pros: There are a lot of martial arts to learn but for children to teens, I would like to suggest 3 types as of now: Judo, Aikido and TaeKwonDo . By far the cheapest sport among those I have already mentioned, as it only requires a "gi" or whatever uniform is prescribed, aside from the lessons. I would definitely recommend this for girls and women as it is a good way to learn how to defend oneself against rape or any kind of violence. This is possibly the only sport which requires its students to adhere to a certain "code of conduct" if you will, as the almost any martial art is inextricably tied to a philosophy. I would go as far as to say that the martial arts is not merely a sport or a way of self defense, rather it is a complete mentality and way of life. By far this is the best way to instill discipline, especially to kids who are somewhat incorrigible. Great way to build flexibility and conditioning.
Cons: Fun factor quite low. Judo and Aikido come from Japan and TaeKwondo is from Korea. Lessons are held in a "dojo" where the mood is pretty somber or reserved all throughout the sessions, which is very characteristic of temperaments from the country of origin. Teachers or "sensei" are very strict. High risk of injuries if the students are required to spar. Frustrating to learn at first, especially Aikido.
If you're pretty somber yourself, try: Archery, Equestrianism, Ballet.
Showing posts with label Aikido. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Aikido. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Understanding Your Kid: A Perspective From Someone In Between
One of these days, it is very possible that I too may become a parent. I'm already well on my way leaving "youth" in terms of piling up the years. I don't consider myself quite grown up yet though, now while I still can remember my childhood and teenage years I would like to act as and arbiter between the parent and their kid; the adult and the child.
Is it possible that parents have forgotten how it felt to be kids and teenagers? Part of me know how it feels. For most adults, there are bills to worry about, stress from work, additional stress and work to come home to. There's always not enough time and energy for things that need to be done, even worse, there may be dreams and aspirations being sidetracked in the process, never to be fulfilled because now you have a life dedicated to working and caring for your family. You are always treading the thin line between making or breaking since you are now in charge, so you almost always play it safe and walk the road often taken, as the risk of failure may lead to utter disaster for you and your family.
Most kids and teenagers do whatever is that tickles their fancies at any given moment. They possess the idealism, they have the energy and passion for life. They think they are invincible and that they know everything, or certainly a bit more than their parents. In most cases, indeed they are more intelligent than the older generation but not wiser. They may be faster and stronger but in need of guidance.
These circumstances seem to complement each other. If this is the case, then why can't children, specifically teenagers and their parents get along?
Of course not all kids and teens are troublesome. Also, not all adults are as uptight and stringent. But for those parents who are having trouble with their kids, I would like you to muse over the following thoughts.
How did your child learn how to eat with eating utensils? How did he learn how to speak? One of the primal and most effective way of learning is through imitation. Your child will imitate consciously or unconsciously whoever he spends the most time with. It can be the people on the TV, his friends and peers, can be other people, it can be you. During his early childhood, it might as well be you, the parent, thus you had better become a good example to him. When he is older, he will spend more time at school with his peers and teachers. Therefore, it is crucial for you to get him into a good school and around good kids and teachers. Peer pressure is a double edged sword. I can clearly recall being the typical rebellious teenager in high school. I'd cut classes and go smoke, drink and party with older kids. Some of my friends went with me. However, after a year or so when entrance exams for colleges were about to commence, almost none of my friends would go with me anymore because they had to study. It is certainly no fun partying with oneself! My parents would often compare me to my friends, teachers would ignore me because they would rather work on students who were intent on achieving something. My friends were good, smart kids and all of us had the dream of going to the same university so we can continue to be together. Hence, I really had no choice but to study, just to be able to keep up with my friends.
See, peer pressure can also work wonders. Lucky for me though, my friends parents knew my friends' parents (it was a pretty small town). I still see and go out with my friends today, even though they have gone on to be successful doctors and lawyers already. As for me, I ended up being a lowly writer. I'd like to attribute this to the fact that I'm too young at heart. It's either that or I still have a hefty dose of party left in my veins!
Parents, don't be to quick to shoot down your kid. What works and what does not work in the real world will also surely apply on your child. Carpet bombing the enemy as a show of strength has never worked in the long run, it just ensures you another generation of suicide bombers burning with hatred for the "infidel". Diplomacy and compromise is the key. Even with adults, an outright NO will only breed dissent and reinforce adamance in the opposing party. Why not listen first, agree on what you think are the correct points of the argument, then proceed to express your contrary opinion. Taking a more sinister perspective, you will have to gain their trust first, build rapport before subtly imposing your agenda on them. Quoting Sun Tzu from "The Art of War"...
“Seeking armed conflict can be disastrous. Because of this, a detour can be the shortest path. because of this problems can become opportunities. Use the indirect route as your highway. Use the search for advantage to guide you. When you fall behind, you must catch up. When you get ahead you must wait. You must know the detour that most directly accomplishes your plan.”
This is also what makes Aikido, a form of Japanese martial art so effective. Rather than employing head on opposing attacks, Aikido uses the motion of the attacker and then redirecting the force of the attack. This requires very little physical energy, as the aikidÅka (aikido practitioner) "leads" the attacker's momentum using entering and turning movements.
Do you remember Steven Segal? When you hear bones crack and joints snap, that is the power of Aikido. This is the same kind of power that you will have over your child if you'll just learn to take a detour and avoid direct confrontation, figuratively speaking of course. Summing it up, the trick is to listen, agree, and then confront subtly. Besides, if you agree (or at least pretend to) it'll make you look like a cool mom or dad.
Humans are suckers for self expression. Whether its through writing, art, confessing to a priest and more recently social media, we all yearn for catharsis once in a while. We advertise to people who we are, simply because it is a good way to reach out and be a part of a group. We are after all, social animals. You will have to be there when your kid wants to talk and also when it seems that he does not want to talk. You will have to show them you are eager to listen to their accomplishments and willing as well to listen to their hurts and grievances. Most importantly, you will have to show them that you will not judge whatever it is that comes out of their mouths, no matter how horrifying those may be. Again, this is one good way of building rapport. When you have that intact, it'll only be a short time before you get to uncover your kids secret life. This method, I believe, is more effective than snooping for information on your kid's Facebook profile.
There is also a hidden advantage to this. Kids are surprisingly, well, full of surprises. I personally knew of one family who ran into some financial trouble. They had a young daughter, around 7 or 8. Despite of the money problems, the couple continued to send their child to school, giving her all the provisions she had before like lunch money and everything, so no one would know about their problem. The parents took every precaution to hide the situation from their daughter. After a few months or so, the family still had difficulty recovering from the slump and was unable to pay the rent. To compound the problem, they frequently found themselves missing some food items. Desperate and downtrodden, the mother often found herself crying at night, praying to God for a miracle. Weeks went by but still everything looked bleak and so finally on a late night before their eviction, the mother broke down crying to her husband in their dining room. Finding both parents with their faces in their hands, their daughter enters the room...
"Mommy, we have money, don't worry."
With a confused look on their faces, they look at their kid.
"What are you saying Honey?"
"We have money Mommy, here..."
Their daughter puts a small bag on the table full of loose bills and change. After they count it, they find out that it is just enough to pay for the rent.
"Where did you get this Honey???"
Apparently their daughter overheard her teachers gossiping about her family's situation and so after hearing it, decides to do something about it. She saves up the money that was given to her and buys some sandwich plastic bags. Taking some bread and some ingredients every night, she then makes some sandwiches to sell to people at school.
Amazing huh? When children shine, they really light up the night sky! I realize though, that not all kids are like this. Some are just unbelievably incorrigible that you'd just love to wring their necks just to teach them some manners. However, no matter how hard a rock is, water can always break it, as the legendary martial artist Bruce Lee beautifully put it. This means you have to be unyielding. You must under any and every circumstance be the bigger person because of two main reasons: You are certainly wiser one and you would do this out of love for him. Since you love your child, it would only be right that you have a little faith in him. Faith is holding on when there is nothing else to hold on to. No matter how desperate the situation may be, no matter what he or she has done, you should always be there for them. If they do something wrong, you need to show them you disapprove of it and that they will have to face the consequences of their actions but more importantly that they can still run to you whenever things go bad.
Is it possible that parents have forgotten how it felt to be kids and teenagers? Part of me know how it feels. For most adults, there are bills to worry about, stress from work, additional stress and work to come home to. There's always not enough time and energy for things that need to be done, even worse, there may be dreams and aspirations being sidetracked in the process, never to be fulfilled because now you have a life dedicated to working and caring for your family. You are always treading the thin line between making or breaking since you are now in charge, so you almost always play it safe and walk the road often taken, as the risk of failure may lead to utter disaster for you and your family.
Most kids and teenagers do whatever is that tickles their fancies at any given moment. They possess the idealism, they have the energy and passion for life. They think they are invincible and that they know everything, or certainly a bit more than their parents. In most cases, indeed they are more intelligent than the older generation but not wiser. They may be faster and stronger but in need of guidance.
These circumstances seem to complement each other. If this is the case, then why can't children, specifically teenagers and their parents get along?
Of course not all kids and teens are troublesome. Also, not all adults are as uptight and stringent. But for those parents who are having trouble with their kids, I would like you to muse over the following thoughts.
How did your child learn how to eat with eating utensils? How did he learn how to speak? One of the primal and most effective way of learning is through imitation. Your child will imitate consciously or unconsciously whoever he spends the most time with. It can be the people on the TV, his friends and peers, can be other people, it can be you. During his early childhood, it might as well be you, the parent, thus you had better become a good example to him. When he is older, he will spend more time at school with his peers and teachers. Therefore, it is crucial for you to get him into a good school and around good kids and teachers. Peer pressure is a double edged sword. I can clearly recall being the typical rebellious teenager in high school. I'd cut classes and go smoke, drink and party with older kids. Some of my friends went with me. However, after a year or so when entrance exams for colleges were about to commence, almost none of my friends would go with me anymore because they had to study. It is certainly no fun partying with oneself! My parents would often compare me to my friends, teachers would ignore me because they would rather work on students who were intent on achieving something. My friends were good, smart kids and all of us had the dream of going to the same university so we can continue to be together. Hence, I really had no choice but to study, just to be able to keep up with my friends.
See, peer pressure can also work wonders. Lucky for me though, my friends parents knew my friends' parents (it was a pretty small town). I still see and go out with my friends today, even though they have gone on to be successful doctors and lawyers already. As for me, I ended up being a lowly writer. I'd like to attribute this to the fact that I'm too young at heart. It's either that or I still have a hefty dose of party left in my veins!
Parents, don't be to quick to shoot down your kid. What works and what does not work in the real world will also surely apply on your child. Carpet bombing the enemy as a show of strength has never worked in the long run, it just ensures you another generation of suicide bombers burning with hatred for the "infidel". Diplomacy and compromise is the key. Even with adults, an outright NO will only breed dissent and reinforce adamance in the opposing party. Why not listen first, agree on what you think are the correct points of the argument, then proceed to express your contrary opinion. Taking a more sinister perspective, you will have to gain their trust first, build rapport before subtly imposing your agenda on them. Quoting Sun Tzu from "The Art of War"...
“Seeking armed conflict can be disastrous. Because of this, a detour can be the shortest path. because of this problems can become opportunities. Use the indirect route as your highway. Use the search for advantage to guide you. When you fall behind, you must catch up. When you get ahead you must wait. You must know the detour that most directly accomplishes your plan.”
This is also what makes Aikido, a form of Japanese martial art so effective. Rather than employing head on opposing attacks, Aikido uses the motion of the attacker and then redirecting the force of the attack. This requires very little physical energy, as the aikidÅka (aikido practitioner) "leads" the attacker's momentum using entering and turning movements.
Do you remember Steven Segal? When you hear bones crack and joints snap, that is the power of Aikido. This is the same kind of power that you will have over your child if you'll just learn to take a detour and avoid direct confrontation, figuratively speaking of course. Summing it up, the trick is to listen, agree, and then confront subtly. Besides, if you agree (or at least pretend to) it'll make you look like a cool mom or dad.
Humans are suckers for self expression. Whether its through writing, art, confessing to a priest and more recently social media, we all yearn for catharsis once in a while. We advertise to people who we are, simply because it is a good way to reach out and be a part of a group. We are after all, social animals. You will have to be there when your kid wants to talk and also when it seems that he does not want to talk. You will have to show them you are eager to listen to their accomplishments and willing as well to listen to their hurts and grievances. Most importantly, you will have to show them that you will not judge whatever it is that comes out of their mouths, no matter how horrifying those may be. Again, this is one good way of building rapport. When you have that intact, it'll only be a short time before you get to uncover your kids secret life. This method, I believe, is more effective than snooping for information on your kid's Facebook profile.
There is also a hidden advantage to this. Kids are surprisingly, well, full of surprises. I personally knew of one family who ran into some financial trouble. They had a young daughter, around 7 or 8. Despite of the money problems, the couple continued to send their child to school, giving her all the provisions she had before like lunch money and everything, so no one would know about their problem. The parents took every precaution to hide the situation from their daughter. After a few months or so, the family still had difficulty recovering from the slump and was unable to pay the rent. To compound the problem, they frequently found themselves missing some food items. Desperate and downtrodden, the mother often found herself crying at night, praying to God for a miracle. Weeks went by but still everything looked bleak and so finally on a late night before their eviction, the mother broke down crying to her husband in their dining room. Finding both parents with their faces in their hands, their daughter enters the room...
"Mommy, we have money, don't worry."
With a confused look on their faces, they look at their kid.
"What are you saying Honey?"
"We have money Mommy, here..."
Their daughter puts a small bag on the table full of loose bills and change. After they count it, they find out that it is just enough to pay for the rent.
"Where did you get this Honey???"
Apparently their daughter overheard her teachers gossiping about her family's situation and so after hearing it, decides to do something about it. She saves up the money that was given to her and buys some sandwich plastic bags. Taking some bread and some ingredients every night, she then makes some sandwiches to sell to people at school.
Amazing huh? When children shine, they really light up the night sky! I realize though, that not all kids are like this. Some are just unbelievably incorrigible that you'd just love to wring their necks just to teach them some manners. However, no matter how hard a rock is, water can always break it, as the legendary martial artist Bruce Lee beautifully put it. This means you have to be unyielding. You must under any and every circumstance be the bigger person because of two main reasons: You are certainly wiser one and you would do this out of love for him. Since you love your child, it would only be right that you have a little faith in him. Faith is holding on when there is nothing else to hold on to. No matter how desperate the situation may be, no matter what he or she has done, you should always be there for them. If they do something wrong, you need to show them you disapprove of it and that they will have to face the consequences of their actions but more importantly that they can still run to you whenever things go bad.
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